Hello Sassy Beauties, This is Katie and welcome back to my channel. I want to give a quick shout out to all you lovely people who left beautiful messages on my YouTube videos or sent me Instagram comments. I highly highly appreciate you guys, you’re the best, I love receiving those messages and it really means the world to me, it really means a lot and it makes my day so thank you thank you thank you guys.
In today’s video I want to talk about what it takes to be a high value woman. Now when I say high value or low value, I’m not talking about your intrinsic value, you’re intrinsic worth as a human being. That is fixed. From the minute you were born… you have worth as a human being… and that is fixed. It doesn’t matter what you do in the world or what results you achieve or what’s happened to you, your intrinsic worth as a human being is fixed. That can’t be touched.
I really use the term ‘high value’ and ‘low value’ as a tool to help you assess your unconscious behaviours in dating.
A lot of us, when we date, we just go with the flow, we go out there and do things based on how we feel, naturally. Sometimes we can end up acting in a low-value way that isn’t an honest representation of who we are inside… of our true value and our true worth… so I use high value and low value as a tool to help you assess yourself with the question,
“Am I acting high value or am I acting low value?”
Am I attracting low value men, men who also act in a low value way? And get you to dig a little bit deeper underneath that to figure out what is really going on there.
So let’s get into what it really takes to be a high value woman!
High Value Woman Trait #1: Equal Self-awareness & Man-Awareness
A high value woman has an intelligent level of self-awareness and she has self-awareness where it really matters in dating and relationships. It’s really about having an objective view of your relationship. Not only can you see your own thought patterns and your behaviour patterns when certain things happen – you know when you like a guy, when you have feelings for someone, these patterns arise you have to know what they are and pay attention to them – but you are also aware of men and what they are doing and who they are showing you to be.
So you’re paying attention to exactly who that man is instead of projecting this ideal or this image onto him or who you want him to be and that’s overshadowing your whole entire interaction. That level of self-awareness is really important if you want to develop a genuine relationship with someone and not just a relationship based on superficial needs.
High Value Woman Trait #2: Result Separate From Self-Worth
A high-value woman knows to detach her intrinsic self-worth from the result she is getting. The result you get in life; could be your academic achievements, the grade that you get after a performance, it could be the awards that you receive, it could be the way people treat you or not treat you, the way people act around you, you could see that as a result.
A result could also be the way you treat yourself..that is all results… part of results. That is separate from who you are as an intrinsic being… that has nothing to do with your value as a human being. And some of you have that all mixed up, got it all mixed up, so for example if a man was to reject you, you take that to mean a blow to your inner worth as a person. To mean, you’re a less “worthy” person.
For you, it feels like someone is kicking you in the heart or taking a chunk out of your heart then you’ve got all that mixed up. Your result, whether a man rejects you or doesn’t call you back is a RESULT separate from you. It’s detached from you, it can’t touch who you really are inside and your true worth as a human being. Separate!
And this is what people mean when they say don’t take yourself too seriously. Don’t take things too personally, that’s what they mean, they mean, whatever result you get, don’t take that to be a blow to who you are as a person and your inner worth.
That means you could go out there and fail 100x times, go on a hundred dates and fail and yeah you’ll be maybe sad about it, but you’re not going to then tie that back to your self-worth, you’re not going to make that mean, okay I must be an unlovable person because I went on a hundred dates and nobody loved me. No one wanted to be with me. You’re not going to attach that kind of deep deep meaning to that kind of rejection, because the results are separate to your self-worth.
High Value Woman Trait #3: Takes Responsibility
A high-value woman takes responsibility for every result in her life.
Now some of you may be thinking but hang on a second, does that mean if I was in an abusive relationship, I’m to blame for that? No, that’s not what I’m saying. When we take responsibility for our results we’re saying that if we went back far enough, we had a part to play in how things played out. We decided something, we said yes, we said no, we decided to go out with this guy, we decided to stay in this relationship.
That’s taking responsibility. It’s reminding yourself that you had control over at least your part to play in that relationship. Some of you who get instantly defensive when I say… you need to take responsibility for every result… If you get defensive, chances are you still have your self-worth all mixed up and tied together with the result.
You think that if I was to say: you were responsible for this terrible result in your life, you take that to mean that’s a blow to your inner worth as a person. That’s somehow linked up in there and that has nothing to do with it.
Once again your intrinsic worth as a human being can’t be touched, can’t be touched by anything. But your result… you still have to take responsibility for the result that you get and the reason we do that is so we empower ourselves to make different choices, different actions, different steps in the future if we wanted to.
People who just spin in blame, spin in negativity will want to point fingers at other people and they’ll point the blame at their parents, at men, is not taking responsibility.
Whether you’re self blaming or blaming other people, when you blame, you’re playing the victim and when you do that, you disempower yourself. You give all your power away, you’re saying “I had no control over any of this and therefore I don’t have any control in the future either” .. That is extremely disempowering and typically when you blame yourself you feel crappy. Even if you blame other people at the end of that, you’re still gonna feel crappy. But when you take responsibility for something, it feels good, it feels empowering, it feels like…you can be informed to make different choices if you wanted to.
High Value Woman Trait #4: High Standards
A high value woman has high standards and act according to those standards. That means if a man shows you he is incapable of giving you what you want and need, you need to move on. Judge a man based on how he treats you now and not how he treated you in the past.
Now is the only moment that matters or counts. Everything else that came before is the past. The past is over, it’s gone. If you want a real relationship that is sustainable we have to judge people based on how they treat us now.
Some of you ladies keep dropping your standards because your thinking is if I can’t even get this lower quality man, who’s less than me to love me, to commit to me, to not cheat on me… how am I going to get a higher quality man to do that?
This is your thinking process so what happens is, you drop your standard, you start dropping it lower and lower and lower, thinking that well geez eventually I’m gonna have to find somebody who loves me for me and that’s how you will evaluate your worth right and once again, it gets tied back down to your worth as a human being. And often us women evaluate our worth based on how MEN treat us.
Dropping your standards like that will affect how you think about yourself. It will determine who you hang out with, who you talk to, who you choose to be with. So your self-esteem is getting affected so in the long run, it’s not a beneficial game to be playing.
You’re laddering down, you got to ladder up. Always ladder up. Even if you don’t think you deserve it right now, logically you know it’s not gonna work if you ladder down. Always go up. If it failed with this guy and you thought he was lower than you, next time go up. Always be laddering up, upping your standard. And at the same time we have to start taking care of ourselves and our mental state, our mental health and how we think about ourselves. This is where taking responsibility for our actions come into play. This is where we are looking at the results we’re getting, looking objectively, and asking “where can we fix things?”
How can we do some things a little bit differently next time? Where am I not practicing self-love? Looking at your results objectively so you can make improvements instead of spinning in negativity and beating yourself up.
High Value Woman Trait #5: Don’t Wait For Men
High value women do not wait for men. A lot of you right now are in wait mode you’re waiting for your man to change, to show up for you, to put more effort in. Most of you are hoping with enough love, with enough patience, with enough of guidance, with enough help towards the guy that he will change.
You think by somehow loving him enough he will change, he will become the person you know he could be or he can transform into you know that potential that you know is there within him. A lot of you have that fantasy, you’re very very attached to that fantasy. Some of you may be really really deep in your relationships where it’s painful to think of anything else like you’re so deep in that relationship that you have to keep doing it, you have to keep hoping because you’ve already devoted years into it you have to keep it up.. But it’s super toxic ladies..
This waiting game… this waiting game, where is this coming from? It’s coming from a place in you that needs to feel needed. If you dug a little bit deeper a lot of us believe that if we were the reason for his change, for his transformation, for him bettering himself, then hey we can take the credit, then there’s something special and amazing about us, then he has to love us, then we are worthy. A lot of you have these games set up, these rules of love set up in your mind where it’s like okay if I was patient enough, loving enough, did enough then he’ll love me, then he’ll change then he’ll become the person I know he can be and then I will feel worthy, then I will allow myself to feel good about myself.
You are extremely ill-informed. Extremely!
You’re going about it the long hard way. The way that will most likely fail. You’re basically heading towards a cliff and you don’t even see it. The real truth is you’re already worthy. As we’ve talked about, you are already worthy.
The real shame is that you don’t believe this. You don’t allow yourself to believe it unless the guy changed. He did XYZ, he transformed for you based on your rules then you allow yourself to feel it, then you allow yourself to believe you’re worthy and that’s the shame.
The way you set up that game you’re basically setting up to fail. Making it hard on yourself and for many of us.
This is the inner work we have to do so you can get to a point where you can just be with yourself, you don’t have to do anything. You just love yourself, you believe deep down you’re worthy, you’re worthy of love, you’re worthy of great things. If you really believe that then you know what’s gonna happen you’re gonna surround yourself with people, with men, who will confirm that belief. Then it becomes easy and love and relationships become easy like breathing. Instead of this other roundabout way which is the really the low-value way around it, where you believe you have to change him, you have to change this guy, this particular guy.
If he’s an emotionally unavailable man you want to make him into an available man then you’ll feel worthy. Can you see logically how messed up that is how that is like the long way around? And for some of you that work will take months, if not years, to get to that point. It’s not going to be an overnight thing. Some of you are so conditioned to think this way, think the low-value way of trying to feel good in a relationship that is gonna take some time.
High Value Woman Trait #6: Set Appropriate Boundaries
Number six – is to set appropriate boundaries. High-value women know how to set appropriate boundaries. They can set boundaries with their romantic partners, they set boundaries with their friends, they set boundaries with their families, they set boundaries with their work colleagues.
There are people out there in the world who will do whatever they need to do to get what they need and it’s not their job to set a boundary for you. It’s your job to do that. No one else will set a boundary for you, you have to be the one to speak up if something isn’t good for you.
You have to take care of yourself, nobody’s gonna do it for you. You have to learn to find your voice and speak up when you need to to set that firm boundary, the firm boundary of self love and self care so everybody knows, it’s nothing personal but this is just what I need to do to protect myself.
Those are my six things that are the rules for how to be a high value woman and what it takes to be a high value woman. If you like this video, please like me, share it with your friends, leave a comment below. I’d love to hear from you and if you’re interested in coaching with me check out KatieCoach.com and let’s talk!
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